Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
