The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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