i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
