he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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