I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
