come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
