now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize