What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
