remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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