yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
