Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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