I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
