WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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