Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
