pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
