margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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