I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
