How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
