I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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