I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
