he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
