Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
