I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
