dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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