Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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