Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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