so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize