I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
