life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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