Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
