worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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