I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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