My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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