youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
