so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize