My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
