where am i from again
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You made out with two different species that night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
