God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
