god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
