my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
