im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
