Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
