i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
