you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
MIDGETS
????
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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