My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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