I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
