Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
