i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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