dude i'm inner monologue high
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
