I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i would punch a child for taco bell
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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