So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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