Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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