Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
