hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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