You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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