and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
