textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
