shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
