My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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