OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
