Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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