I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
