Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
