He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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