New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
