He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
