8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
