I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
