No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
