you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
