Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
