Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
