Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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