you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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