Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
