who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
