Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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