Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize