She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
