remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
