Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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