nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
