cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize