I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
