Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
