i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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