i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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