I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is wine microwaveable?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
