did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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