At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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