Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize