i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
