I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
