Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
