so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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