So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
