Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
