you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize