Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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