I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
