i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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