Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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