he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
