Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I met the friendliest cop last night
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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