peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
