Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize