your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
