You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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