ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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