I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
