You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
