You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
