Sponge bath it is.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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