sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
