so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
