It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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