I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
