I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
