Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
