first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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