I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
