Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
