Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
