My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
