eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need moral support for this bender
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize