I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
